Cosmo would’ve turned 16 in September. I’m sorry to share with you all that our sweet little boy passed away in August.
A rebel to the end, our headstrong little guy didn’t wait to turn 16 and get his driver’s license, and drove over the rainbow bridge a month early, like the outlaw he always was.
Cosmo touched so many hearts. My wife and I were lucky to be surrounded by both of our families on his last day, despite the short notice. He died suddenly but peacefully on his beloved spot on the couch, in my wife’s loving arms as we shed many, many tears.
Where to begin remembering him? How can words capture this beautiful, funny and smart little boy that completely captivated us for so many years?
I’ll never forget when he entered our lives: lunchtime on Friday, November 27th, 2009.
I was sitting on the patio of a CPK at a mall in LA, completely wiped out from my first and only attempt to keep up with my wife and her sisters on Black Friday. We were down from SF visiting family for the holidays and I thought it’d be something different, so I joined on a lark. I didn’t realize what I was in for and was exhausted from their pre-dawn start time and relentless pace.
So around lunchtime, I tapped out. There I sat, wondering what I’d gotten myself into, when a Mexican family came up to us holding two little puppies, one white and one dark brown, saying they had extras and asking if we wanted one.
It was love at first sight.
The second I held this pudgy little thing, I was smitten. He was tiny - just 1.6 lbs and fit in the palm of my hand - and started licking my face right away.
Knowing who he really needed to convince, I handed him to my wife and he started licking her too. I remember whispering “come on little guy, win her over, you can do it!”
And boy did he ever. Little did we know that he’d become my wife’s best friend, her shadow following her everywhere, and that she’d return the obsession too, doting on him and dressing him up for every occasion. I couldn’t see that exact future, but I could feel how big this tiny thing would be in our lives and I was beyond excited.
So we did it, we took him in. We made the leap and I finally fulfilled my childhood dream. I got my first dog.
I started a photo album on Facebook called “I’m 33 and just got my first puppy” and live-blogged that entire weekend, taking pics in real time before he even had a name.
Our first photos are of him snuggling with my then 1-year-old nephew as we made our way to the nearest Petco, where he promptly fell asleep in my arms as we bought supplies and pestered the friendly staff about tips and recommendations. I’d never taken care of so much as a houseplant before, so I was nervous and everything was new to me.
We drove back up to SF, making several apprehensive stops as we wondered about the basics, like how to get him to go to the bathroom outside the car. It was freezing cold and Cosmo shivered on a pee pad while we wondered if he’d ever go.
He was such a shy little thing that he wouldn’t sleep on his own in the little bed and enclosure we set up for him in the living room. It took two weeks of me sleeping on the couch for him to adjust, slowly moving every night from sleeping on my chest, to next to me, to in his little bed with my hand on him, until I was finally able to leave him on his own and get a good night’s rest.
Cosmo was so timid those first few weeks that we even ended up enrolling him in an expensive high end puppy school called SF Puppy Prep. The program was over a month of weekly classes, group activities and homework. It was quite an investment and we figured it would all be worth it if we could make him even just a smidgen more confident and independent.
My god did we overshoot the mark. They were worth every penny and turned him into the boss the ran our lives.
I’m not complaining, Cosmo was a good boss! I don’t mean bossy, he wasn’t a mean yappy nightmare. No, he just so confident and knew his own mind, what he wanted and when. And had absolutely zero problem letting us know.
He was casually very demanding in a way that made us laugh in disbelief throughout his whole life. Where did he get all this self-belief from?!? It was endlessly entertaining to us both that he kept a very strict schedule of when it was time to eat, play, sunbathe and sleep.
To top it all off, Cosmo had such specific vocalizations for everything that I swear he could speak. It was incredible.
- Took him everywhere the first few years. Restaurants, movies, planes, trains, and most of all, work.
- Had a lot of firsts at that gig. First best friend. First puppy teeth falling out. Was even a minor web celebrity from being on our pricing page with the other office dogs. For a solid decade, I consistently got reactions of “Aren’t you the chihuahua guy?” at tech and design conferences.
- Two years in, we got him a best friend, also another story about love at first sight, both for me but also Cosmo. I still remember the foster parents and their initial warning.
- Turns out that Dudley couldn’t fly, which ended up being one of the best blessings of my entire life. We took so many trips down the coast, epic adventures in stunning locations. They boys and I would lose track of so much time that occasionally we’d crash at a cheap motel along the way. Trips ostensibly to see family were an excuse to have road trips down the coast, one big extended beach day.
- We built out our little chihuahua family. They were our grounding touchstones and sanity checks.
- The way he loved food. All food.
- He loved Dudley like a twin brother. Dudley took Cosmo’s passing especially hard and a few months later, is still distraught without his soulmate of 14 years. I keep trying to lift his spirits and hoping he’ll slowly find a spark again in the next few months, because otherwise I don’t know how much more his little heart can take.
- But most of all, more than anything, he loved my wife. He became her shadow, completely obsessed with her. And of course the feeling was mutual, he was her good little boy that snuggled on the couch and in bed, especially as his back started acting up as he got older and couldn’t keep up with Dudley and me. She was the dream dog mommy and used all of her medical training to stay on top of his health care, including catching a cancer scare early several years ago and giving us so much more time with him during these crucial years transitioning back to San Diego.
- His final days and hours.
- I can’t stop writing, I don’t know where to end this and I don’t want to. Putting this out there makes it real and feels so final, like sealing a box.
- I just have so many little things I remember about him that keep coming back to me, that I never want to forget.
- The way he would sleep. He’d smack his lips for a minute when settling down, then let out a big soulful sigh, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. My wife and I would invariably laugh and say, “What ails you, my little freeloader?” Then he’d fall into such a deep slumber that his eyes, nose, and lips would make tiny twitching motions that made his face look like a malfunctioning animatronic puppet. His cute little snore that made us silently giggle.
- The way he would crouch, belly crawl and pounce while hunting his “prey”, just like a cat. First he did it with squirrels, then later with Dudley.
- The way he would play little games with Dudley, where Dudley would defend the high ground on the couch and Cosmo would dare him to jump off of it, like children with their own little game of “the floor is lava.”
- The way he would walk, prancing with his front paws raised in front of him like a show pony. I’ve never seen any dog walk like that anywhere, in real life or online.
- How damn cute he was. Especially if he was wearing clothes or a costume. Little girls would lose it but not just them, people of all stripes would fawn over him. Taking him to the vet was like a celebrity sighting, even in his last days. Word would spread to the backrooms that he was visiting and employees would come out of the woodwork saying “Cosmo is here!” and shower him with love and attention. He took it all with perfect aplomb, like a tiny dignified prince.
- And most of all, how smart he was. Oh god, was he smart. I had no idea such a tiny creature could be so clever. Like, if he wanted to sleep in a particular spot that Dudley was already in, he would lure Dudley out by bringing one of his toys to him, and then jump into his spot the second Dudley fell for the bait. Or the fact that he could count. Yes, count! Unbelievable as it sounds. Tell the pee pad story. I still have no idea how he could tell time so precisely, almost to the minute. When to eat, when my wife was due home, etc.
- His sit, stay and touch commands. So good that it was a party trick. He was so good at it that he even trained Dudley! That’s right, I trained one dog and he trained the other. Incredible.
- Combine that with all of his different vocalizations, and I have no doubt that if the research had existed earlier about dogs being able to use the buttons for speech, like Stella and so many others you see now, that he would be carrying on full-on conversations with us.
- It’s hard not to be constantly looking back. We need something to look forward to, so we’re making a little shrine for him in a corner of our house for the upcoming remembrance day for pets on October 27th.
Rest in peace to our little man, Cosmo. Also known as Boss Baby, Wookie, Pikachu, Chunks, Cosmiquai and Dr Herschenberger. Every name was a story, another shade of your countless colorful personalities.
Yesi and I loved you so much and you were so loving in return. You were unbelievably unique, beyond all belief. You made us laugh, you made us cry. You made our home into a family.
You were our everything. We miss you more than you can imagine.
There will never be anyone like you ever again. We will love and remember you forever.
Outline for socials
Keep it under 2.2k words for IG. This tribute on IG inspired this outline structure:
- How he came into our lives
- What he was like and what he loved
- (especially a tribute to Yesi in a standalone paragraph)
- Grew up together through all of my adult years
- Took him everywhere at first and he was even on our work website, along with the other office dogs, each with a personality as distinct as my coworkers.
- Made friends outside of tech during the startup rollercoaster and was especially a lifeline when I moved to Mountain View for a summer during Y Combinator, only getting to see him on weekends and looking forward to the small dog walk at Ocean Beach every Saturday morning.
- Michelle, Suzanne, Kate, Jay and Frankie, Marie and Jonah
- What he was like as he was older
- We got to live the dream of moving back to So Cal and being always around the places he loved visiting so much on our vacations
- Fortunate to be locals to the most dog-friendly beaches ever at both ends of the golden state. One in SF, one in SD, both named Ocean Beach.
- He never stopped being himself, not even when we installed ramps around the house to avoid triggering his back pain or he wasn’t always up for a walk
- It’ll be hard moving forward without him, but try to be inspired by living in the moment fully and confidently
- Thank you to friends and family for visiting on his final day
- Parting goodbyes
Full Story
Longer version for blog or to pull from for outline
How we got him
Love at first sight. Simultaneously chubby and tiny, weighing in at only 1.6 lbs and fitting in the palm of my hand.
The Thanksgiving Miracle - stole our hearts
My one and only Black Friday, November 27th, 2009.
Our tiny little apartment in SF.
How Nico named him
The first two weeks
The first time he peed on a pee pad was during a job interview! One I landed actually. Where he met his first best friend, Frank.
Funny stories at work w/ Frank. Losing his first puppy teeth.
Quirky Traits
What he meant to us
How he built our “chihuahua” family in SF
Escaped the work rat race at least once a week to go to the small dog walk in Ocean Beach, went to the SF Chihuahua Meetup in Stern Grove every month, made so many friends, Michelle our walker took them on so many adventures.
Close calls
Cosmo dodged so many bullets that I was convinced he’d live forever.
When he was just a little puppy, an owl swooped on him and came within a few feet of snatching him, wings and talons outstretched just like in the movies. Later, a big dog in OB snapped its leash and made a beeline straight for him, only for Dudley and me to jump into harm’s way instead.
Cosmo even got bit by a coyote once! Seriously!
He tweaked his back like a lot of little dogs do, so we installed handicapped doggy ramps around our place and kept pain meds on standby for whenever it ever acted up. I thought he’d end up losing the use of his rear legs and we’d have to stick wheels on his rear so he could keep zooming around like the irrepressible rascal he always was.
So when the end did finally come, suddenly and within just a few days, it didn’t feel real. We were in shock and crying for days, hugging each other and Dudley as we made the impossible decision. Family came over on his last day and helped us immensely while we made him comfortable in his own home, in my wife’s lap at his favorite spot of the couch. Just typing this, I feel like I can practically smell his little vanilla fur again as I kiss him on top of the head.
To say the house feels quiet and empty without him doesn’t do justice to describe how great it was with him in it, filling it up with his big, funny and loving personality.
My first dog, my first goodbye. The cruel bittersweet paradox that these forever babies don’t live forever.
What he meant to me
In 2009, we’d been married for just over a year and were seriously considering children, but I was freaking out because I’d killed every plant I’d ever owned, so how could I take care of an entire human being.
I needed a training baby. I’d always wanted a dog and never had one, so the thinking went that I’d treat them as the warmup act to the real thing.
In the end, we couldn’t have kids after all and so Cosmo became the real thing and more. He was our baby boy. Tiny but mighty. Somehow both a Peter Pan that never grew up, yet also
How he used to “talk”
Not sure how to describe his vocalization. I swear he had a vocabulary and would communicate with us, as impossible as that sounds.
This isn’t a euphamism for him being the stereotypical yappy chihuahua that’s constantly barking at something. He actually had a handful of little “words” that he used and we knew exactly what he meant.
This is hard to describe even to other dog owners. Take our other dog Dudley for example. Dudley is a proper “dog dog” - the usual kind that chases and fetches balls, loves walks and digging up things, all the stuff that I just assumed all dogs did. Sometimes I’ll stare into his eyes and wonder what he’s really thinking. “If only he could speak”, I say to myself.
Not so with Cosmo! We knew exactly what he was thinking and when he thought it, because he’d tell us in no uncertain terms.
Listening to and understanding Cosmo felt so natural over the years that we treated him like a little boy in a dog costume, one that forgot to make a hole in the mask for his voice and was just going to have to point and grunt to get across his needs.
Cosmo’s “words” were kind of like Kenny from South Park, who sounds muffled like he’s got tape over his mouth.
What he was like
Why we called him boss baby. He was a good boss!
He wasn’t just bossy, he actually ran the house. As someone that worked from home, he gave my days so much structure. From dawn til dusk, he had a set schedule and let us know about it.
He’d get up around sunrise to stand by the foot of our bed and gently vocalize little reminders for his first “treat” of the day, which was actually his liver medicine that he had to take an hour before breakfast. From that first calendar event on, he kept the training running so well that I swear he could tell time.
Cosmo was a creature of routine, just like Yesi, and not a lazy improviser like Dudley and me. He’d get up and stand by the kitchen at the same hour for breakfast, then he’d be in my home office before me, waiting for the work day to begin, and on and on, all the way until we were all tucked in for the night.
If you knew one thing about him, you knew how much Cosmo loved food, beyond almost anything on this planet. The only thing he loved more than food was Yesi. He followed her around everywhere and we called him “Yesi’s shadow.”
I should talk about how smart he was, funny, how my pseudo-child “training baby” became the real thing. And so confident! Truly ran the show. Which was funny and hilarious but also made me proud, because he was such an anxious little mess when we got him that I took him to SF Puppy Prep, a premier training school that was like 2-3 times the cost of the usual programs. And boy was it worth it. He came out of his shell and I even have his first bark on record, saved to Flickr or somewhere. The first time he played with another puppy, his first baby teeth to fall out.
First after first, for him but also me. I’d wanted a dog my whole life and he was everything I ever wanted and more.
Write a tribute to Yesi as dog mom. How he became her shadow after Dudley became mine. I couldn’t have made it 15 years in SF without her and my boys, our little family unit.
We took him everywhere the first few years of his life when I could take him to work and everywhere else to boot. Restaurants, movies, airplanes - nobody even knew he was there. He loved that little red travel bag because he was completely and utterly treat motivated, and quickly realized that being in the bag meant getting little bits of our meals. We’d unzip the bag just a tiny bit, stick a piece of bacon in there and his little piranha teeth would gobble it right down.
After I changed jobs, it was the best excuse ever to find him a best friend. Still remember their first interaction and they played like that for years and years.
It turned out that Dudley couldn’t fly, so seeing family on the holidays meant countless drives from SF to LA and SD. That constraint ended up being a good one because of the built in excuse for road trips.
Thank goodness for Dudley though - he’s getting all of our love as the remaining only child and needs every bit of it to adjust to life without his best friend.
Some of my favorite moments of my life were the road trips we’d take up and down the coast. Nominally they were to see family in So Cal but to me the journey was the real destination, with side trips to dog-friendly little beaches that were so hidden and out of the way that we’d usually get the entire place to ourselves. Absolute heaven.
I loved taking these pit stops with the boys so much that sometimes Yesi would even fly down ahead of us to LA, so we could take our sweet time. We even spent the night once at a little motel along the way, which the boys loved because we hit the beach immediately after waking up.